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NFL conspiracy theory

Dear friends and colleagues,

from extensive research and analysis I regret to have to inform you that I have gleaned there is a conspiracy afoot in the NFL.

The conspiracy entails a concerted effort to misinform fans about what type of players are required to succeed in the NFL, it entails the stupification of spectators through elaborate schemes strategically employed to have players either in position or out of position to make plays, it entails blackmailing coaches and front offices to play a preselected group of players through positioning them on Fantasy and Madden rosters.  In short, some teams are preparing to pounce on and take advantage of these false realities.

Viz:

1.  The scouts and online reporters are fudging facts to get the wrong kind of player at each position.  The highly hyped defensive end/outside linebacker hybrid, will leave teams vulnerable to horizontal plays.  He will get dominated on run plays, because he´s too small, so outside containment against either speedy runningbacks, or runningbacks with lead blockers, is nonexistent.  And as outside linebackers they are simply too slow to cover the flats or beat speedsters outside.  The cornerbacks are too small, they are useless in run support, and physical receivers will dominate them.  Linebackers overall are too big and too slow, if they get beaten by big backs the defensive backs will get run over, and if they get beaten by fast backs they will look ridiculous.  That´s the defensive foolery.

On offense, we have the very unrealistic single back formation.  What will defenses do if they are suddenly confronted with multiple backs, sweeps and reverses, potent lead blocking.  To send a halfback without the help of a blocking fullback would have been preposterous in the past.  A guy like Barry Sanders, sure.  But 260 pound Jamal Lewis as a single back, come on how realistic is that?  It´s gotten absolutely ridiculous.  6foot6 offensive guards.  The quarterback can barely see over them, they´re not mobile enough in run blocking, they can´t pull, and believe it or not they have a high center of gravity, they are easier to unbalance.  Offensive lines lining up at the outset of a play in a V-formation, standing up already, with barely an inch between their feet.  It´s a precollapsed line, to try to rush the quarterback on defense is impossible, these guys are already bracing for impact and it´s an impossible angle, you can not get by them.  On offense the quarterback is absolutely predictable, he can´t even scramble, he´s caught in the pocket.  In the olden days that would have been laughed at, because it´s taking telegraphing a play to a whole new level.  They keep that formation even on running plays.  What it means is the holes are a lot smaller because the line is slanted, if they get through the hole they haven´t even passed the line of scrimmage yet, the offensive line is so far off.  The offensive tackles can´t bear down and get their feet moving, because they are standing up waiting for impact before they can even initiate run blocking.  The first team to realign the offensive line, right up on the line of scrimmage, not telegraphing run or pass, with a chance at giving the runningback 5 holes to run through, with a quarterback who is mobile and has split seconds to decide handing off, scrambling or passing, or a mix thereof, the first team to institute some lead blocking, with a shifty halfback with enough patience to follow that blocking and then break free, is going to look like geniuses.  Pounding the middle and stretching the field horizontally, through powerfull end around plays and a quick and effective short passing game, will look like it´s never been done before.  So I assume there are some teams and interest groups preparing for a Super Bowl run by exploiting all this, they have the neccessary guys on their depth charts.

2.  Playcalling.  It is assumed that football has become this rocket science, and you have all these evil geniuses, conveniently termed offensive and defensive coordinators, like a real football player needs to be coordinated from outside (are there like walls and traps not visible to them on the field?), that can somehow magically make superior athleticism and sportsmanship irrelevant, through ingenious formations and outscheming the opponent.  It is assumed that a defense has a limited set of plays (since when did it become fashionable to even say a defense has plays, like they are inititator and not the reactor) to counter an offenses limited set of plays.  It is feasible that a certain player can be out of position on a certain play, because the defensive schematic called for it.  How ridiculous is this?  If I see a play evolving as a defensive player and I can get there, no force on earth can compell me to run away from it.  Defense is defense no matter what the offense can concoct.  If the defenders do what they do, and are where they are even the combined Nobel prize winners can not beat it.  Let´s stop fooling ourselves.  Players enabled to defend an area, and with a maximum of decisionability, will not be out of position, and they will make the play, no matter how elaborate the offense is.  On the other side of the ball, you need the same type of adaptability.  If I´m a receiver and a certain route is covered, I can alter it, stretch my route, shorten it, cut earlier or later.  If I´m the runningback, and the 2 hole is seeled, I hit the 4 hole or race to the sideline.  If I´m the quarterback and a pass play breaks down, do I gun it or run it?

3.  Maddenized and Fantasized rosters.  I play the best available athelete and sportster, whether the kids are cursing because they´re not on Madden, or whether people stupid enough to bet on football in fantasy circles are blacklisting me, because they´re high draft pick is suddenly not even playing.  These are outside factors, I do not heed them at any price.  My depth chart is not the glee club, and popularity contests will not win you football games.  Even a thousand number 16 jerseys in the stands will not give wings to Joshua Cribbs.

All in all, these developments lead me to assume there is an elaborate deepseated plot to fool teams into wanting what will make them vulnerable and beatable, by teams willing to buck the trends.

Are we trendsetters or trendgetters?

This is a fan-created post. Dawgs By Nature assumes no responsibility for the content listed.

Comment 69 comments  |  5 recs  | 

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You know I read something similar to this on the Ravens board. I think Ravens fans have a similar way of thinking as you do with regards to football, you’d probably get along well with them. You should go introduce yourself

by Roger Dorn on Jul 28, 2009 9:06 AM EDT reply actions  

"stupification"

Yeah that sums it up. Wasted five minutes of my day!

Joey_D

by Joey_D on Jul 28, 2009 9:14 AM EDT up reply actions  

Too late for that. Besides, I doubt whether the Ravens have the benefit of having access to my wisdoms. I´ve dedicated my insights to the Browns, for better or worse.

by mooncamping on Jul 28, 2009 9:47 AM EDT up reply actions  

Don’t you want a community that agrees with your view of fullbacks? I mean, they played two fullbacks last year consistently….Lorenzo Neal and Leron McClain at the same time!

by Roger Dorn on Jul 28, 2009 2:56 PM EDT up reply actions  

Who both could play inside linebacker by the way. And was I sorry the Raiders got Lorenzo Neal, you bet.
No, I like it here, it´s like untouched territory, like a virgin land.

by mooncamping on Jul 29, 2009 7:20 AM EDT up reply actions  

you say “for better or worse”; I’m still waiting for the better.

by Uriah33 on Aug 6, 2009 1:56 PM EDT up reply actions  

Oh god. Mooncamping is posting now? What’s next? Chris’s job?!

by SpecialBrownie on Jul 28, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions  

I had thought he was unaware the FanPost section existed, until now.

Dawgs By Nature - Covering the Cleveland Browns on SB Nation.

by Chris Pokorny on Jul 28, 2009 12:38 PM EDT up reply actions  

Its funny how we talk as if he read what we put… but he just ignores all this

by BradyQuinnisBeast on Jul 28, 2009 6:33 PM EDT up reply actions  

If the defenders do what they do, and are where they are even the combined Nobel prize winners can not beat it. Let´s stop fooling ourselves. Players enabled to defend an area, and with a maximum of decisionability, will not be out of position, and they will make the play, no matter how elaborate the offense is.

this was awesome.

cat’s breath, murphy’s oil soap, TREE CLIPPINGS!!!!

by DontCallMeJoey on Jul 28, 2009 12:28 PM EDT reply actions  

decisionability?

Don King, is that you?

You are reading my signature.

by rolub on Jul 28, 2009 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions  

I havent read this yet. Is it worth it?

by BradyQuinnisBeast on Jul 28, 2009 1:30 PM EDT reply actions  

Too long ; didn’t read?

Meet, Spreeder. It’s an awesome little web app that surprisingly enough works incredibly well, particularly for breezing through such insightful and intelligent pieces as this one.

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 28, 2009 3:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

My grandmother always said, if you have nothing nice to say….

by gahnki on Jul 28, 2009 2:43 PM EDT reply actions  

HOW IS THIS NOT ON THE FRONT PAGE!!!!!!!!!!

by Bernie19Kosar on Jul 28, 2009 3:03 PM EDT reply actions  

You’ve confirmed my theory that Art Modell shot JFK.

~ It's no fun throwing fastballs to guys who can't hit them. The real challenge is getting them out on stuff they can hit ~ Sam McDowell

by elsandito on Jul 28, 2009 5:24 PM EDT reply actions  

why not Butch Davis shot 2Pac and BIG

by North Coast Flea on Jul 28, 2009 5:50 PM EDT up reply actions  

And It’s just now been confirmed that Romeo Crennel shot 50 Cent…A lot.

by SpecialBrownie on Jul 29, 2009 10:16 AM EDT up reply actions  

ok so I came on here trying to kill 5 minutes and effectively did that, at the end of the article I had wished I had those 5 minutes back, until I read all the replies, you guys crack me up more than mooncamping does, but at least it’s in a good way

by North Coast Flea on Jul 28, 2009 5:49 PM EDT reply actions  

multiple (full) backs

by Roger Dorn on Jul 28, 2009 8:37 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yes, the more limited our players are athletically, the more dangerous we become.

by gahnki on Jul 28, 2009 9:16 PM EDT up reply actions  

Defenses are always scared of big, slow backs.

by Buckeye Brad on Jul 28, 2009 10:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

Then the Wisconsin Badgers should have the greatest NFL team of all time.

by Bernie19Kosar on Jul 29, 2009 4:39 AM EDT up reply actions  

Brandon Jacobs did make the Ravens look like fools.

by archon095 on Aug 1, 2009 10:52 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yes, but we’re talking more like “Charles Ali slow”.

Dawgs By Nature - Covering the Cleveland Browns on SB Nation.

by Chris Pokorny on Aug 2, 2009 5:55 PM EDT up reply actions  

That´s the defensive foolery.

I can’t wait to use this at my fantasy football draft. No one is going to know what the hell I am talking about. Sweet.

by Bernie19Kosar on Jul 29, 2009 4:44 AM EDT reply actions  

Just explain to your friends at the draft to be wary of the fantazied guys like Adrian Peterson and Larry Fitzgerald, as they may end up on the bench because their teams are apart of an elaborate plot to make a superbowl run by sitting the players who are fun to use in Madden and score a lot of fantasy points (ignoring the fact that it’s a direct result of these players’ athletism and skill) and will pounce on the teams that continue to start their Michael Turners and Matt Fortes, because those coaches are either brainwashed or blackmailed.

That’s simple enough to understand, right?
Oh, and be sure to use the term Maddenized at least 4-6 times.

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 29, 2009 5:56 AM EDT up reply actions  

Maddenized is going to be my team name.

And my first round pick will be Lawerence Vickers. Followed by Owen Schmidt.

Championship!

by Bernie19Kosar on Jul 30, 2009 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions  

I’ ve already copied and pasted this whole mess to the community board on my leagues home page.

Decisionability and Maddenized. Wow.

by tjk_doc on Jul 29, 2009 4:04 PM EDT up reply actions  

Sorry guys, I have to rec this. I want this treasure to be with us for awhile

by Roger Dorn on Jul 29, 2009 7:53 PM EDT reply actions  

Hilarious (and I haven’t read it).

www.lowbrowsophisticate.com

by kwoog on Jul 29, 2009 10:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

4. Players are more and more becoming “personages” not “personalities”. It is becoming more and more fashionable to pretend to be trading a player, when indeed they are trading his contract, to incluce damage towards the salary cap and all kinds of nifty clauses and demands not known to us. Players are no longer that great athlete with a propensity to win and succeed, they are becoming an amalgamation of statistics, scouting reports, fantasy rankings, madden featurette, top selling jersey, pseudo stardom, you know the whole surround abound. Why are we hanging onto Quinn, Anderson, Edwards and Cribbs? Because what will the people in the stands do with their #10, #3, #17 and #16 jerseys, how will they deal with no Cleveland guys in the fantasy drafts, when they say Cleveland is cheap because they have no stars to pay? They bought the hype, and now they can´t gripe. These guys are at worst nothing more than roster spot holders/reservers, pricey ones.
Personages, an accumulation of facts and figures, not personalities.

by mooncamping on Jul 30, 2009 8:26 AM EDT reply actions  

hmmm I’ve never been able to get ahold of a browns jersey where the player didn’t leave 2 seasons later as far as guys being held onto Dawson woulod be our “has always been there guy”. If we held on to players for the reasons you stated we would still have Brian Russell in the orange and brown.

by North Coast Flea on Jul 30, 2009 12:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

Players are no longer that great athlete with a propensity to win and succeed, they are becoming an amalgamation of statistics, scouting reports, fantasy rankings, madden featurette, top selling jersey, pseudo stardom, you know the whole surround abound.

be honest…you’re just messing with us, right? is this dorn, under separate cover?

by DontCallMeJoey on Jul 30, 2009 12:45 PM EDT up reply actions  

i think it’s Phil Savage fucking with us.

You are reading my signature.

by rolub on Jul 30, 2009 3:46 PM EDT up reply actions  

I wish I possessed this kind of creativity

by Roger Dorn on Jul 30, 2009 4:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

Why are we hanging onto Quinn, Anderson, Edwards and Cribbs

Who do you want at quarterback? Charles Ali?

by gahnki on Jul 30, 2009 3:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

how will they deal with no Cleveland guys in the fantasy drafts

You mean like this years fantasy draft? Well, I’ve already participated in two of them and wasn’t fortunate enough to get someone stupid enough to draft any Browns players in the first 10 rounds. And you can bet your ass no one with money on the line is going to draft Quinn, Anderson, or Cribbs.
Maybe Edwards goes in the 12th round as an emergency WR in case of injury, maybe.

I don’t think you really know much about fantasy do you?

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 30, 2009 5:03 PM EDT up reply actions  

12th round? You couldn’t have found more than 5 other people for your league?

You are reading my signature.

by rolub on Jul 30, 2009 5:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

I would consider Edwards in the 5th

by BradyQuinnisBeast on Jul 30, 2009 6:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

Remember he finished 108 (34th among WRs) last season in scoring after being projected 53 (18th among WRs). I really think it’s sort of a toss up whether he’s going to improve or repeat this very mediocre performance. If you don’t consider that possibility and assume he’ll bounce back, I’d agree that he’d be worth a 5th round pick.

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 30, 2009 6:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

My league drafts different than most. The draft is split into two main parts. In the first part you have to fill all of the positions( so you cant draft more than 2 RBs in the first part), so I would defineatly consider Braylon in the 5th

by BradyQuinnisBeast on Jul 30, 2009 7:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

That’s an interesting way to go about it. Both of the draft I did were typical “snake” drafts the reverse order for each round. And the 8 man league, has a RB/WR/TE flex position in addition to the 2 RB slots. Generally you’d want a RB for the flex, but it completely depends on who’s available and what other positions you still need to fill.

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 30, 2009 7:45 PM EDT up reply actions  

One was 8 people, family and friends, $20 buy in, $120 for 1st, $40 for 2nd
The other was a Yahoo! Public League with 10 people.

UPDATE: Ok, after looking back at it, in the 8 man league, Edwards went 7th round by one of the two teams that was autopicking. And the 10 man league, he went round 5, which I find somewhat surprising, as I’d never make that pick considering the players still available. But I guess I am guilty of exaggerating.

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 30, 2009 6:12 PM EDT up reply actions  

that’s fair. i was hoping you’d admit an exaggeration of some sort.

true, he’s not going to be a #1 as was his projection last year. but i feel he’s going to fall into no worse than an average receiver, with upside of being a strong #2.

i agree that round 5 sounds a bit early, but i can’t imagine i would pass on him in round 8 if i’m playing in an 8-team or more league.

You are reading my signature.

by rolub on Jul 30, 2009 10:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

I am pleading “the Bellichick” on all things fantasy related.

by rufio on Jul 30, 2009 9:55 PM EDT up reply actions  

5. Most scandalously, there are interest groups that profit from placing their athletes. Whether it be sports writers and prognosticators all the way down to High School Football who need to be right for their reputation, or scouts and scholarship-financiers in college seeking rewards for their endorsement, coaches seeking to attract talents through having coached big names, or agents plying their trade in the NFL. This loyalty towards players enabled to produce and solid guarantee players is most evident in the fantasy football craze, where team loyalty is irrelevant and prognostication skills are rewarded, being more right than the others in that regard isn´t just about being right anymore, it actually pays.
I favor players too, but it´s for the sake of good football, and seeing superior skills rewarded, for raising the love and loyalty factor of my favorite team.

by mooncamping on Jul 30, 2009 8:47 AM EDT reply actions  

can we change his OU sloth avatar to this?

You are reading my signature.

by rolub on Jul 30, 2009 3:47 PM EDT reply actions   2 recs

I’ve read just about everything mooncamping has posted and can honestly say i haven’t understood any of it. after this post, i’m sure this is someone messing with us. My conspiracy theories are:
1. it’s Malor, trying to wreak havoc;
2. it’s Rufio, trying out theories he isn’t sure he wants to claim ownership of;
3. it’s Romeo Crennel;
4. it’s Steven Hawking, and these comments are confusing because they’re way beyond our feeble level of comprehension.

by Dawg Nuts on Jul 30, 2009 11:59 PM EDT reply actions  

You can rule out #2. I would definitely photoshop some fullbacks in to screenshots and draw up diagrams.

by rufio on Jul 31, 2009 1:18 AM EDT up reply actions  

Now THAT is an unstoppable offense!

by Buckeye Brad on Jul 31, 2009 7:23 AM EDT up reply actions  

and somehow, we still took a loss of 4 on that play.

You are reading my signature.

by rolub on Jul 31, 2009 9:13 AM EDT up reply actions  

That is 5 two many players though. We can afford to get rid of the QB, the WR, and Thomas and Steinbach and another lineman because they are too tall.

by BradyQuinnisBeast on Jul 31, 2009 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

Then we would have the only A-11 fullback offense

by BradyQuinnisBeast on Jul 31, 2009 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

also the first version of a-11 to b in the nfl

by bross09 on Aug 10, 2009 10:52 PM EDT up reply actions  

I am not so sure 4 isn’t correct

by Roger Dorn on Jul 31, 2009 10:38 AM EDT up reply actions  

The reason I don’t think it is Malor, is that Malor couldn’t spell very well. mooncamping at least seems to know how to put together a complete sentence even if it makes no sense

by Roger Dorn on Jul 31, 2009 10:39 AM EDT up reply actions  

Yeah, moon has a vocabulary. Malor couldn’t pass 10th grade English.

www.lowbrowsophisticate.com

by kwoog on Jul 31, 2009 12:15 PM EDT up reply actions  

Instant classic! It looks so instantly dominant.

by mooncamping on Jul 31, 2009 9:24 AM EDT reply actions  

Is this response possibly the most genuine response I’ve in this comment section?
As if he absolutely dead serious in what he says.

2009 Prediction: Att - Yds - TD
Jerome Harrison 95 - 532 - 8

by Simmsinns on Jul 31, 2009 3:40 PM EDT up reply actions  

and in mooncamping’s version of football we wouldn’t get flagged for too many men on the field.

by North Coast Flea on Jul 31, 2009 12:20 PM EDT reply actions  

I can’t believe i actually wasted time reading this. Imagine if i would have wrote this, but wait, you did.

by The naome40 on Aug 14, 2009 12:54 PM EDT reply actions  

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