Fellow Browns fans - I have been posting a short article at draft time every year entitled Reverse the Curse. As a new passionate member of the Dawgs By Nature Blogosphere - I am posting the 2010 version here after the jump. As an fyi - there is a brief sexual connotation - please let me know if not appropriate.
First of all, I believe in karma – I believe in luck. I believe winning begets winning, negativity begets negativity, and I believe the Browns are cursed. The plan to fix this is exceptionally simple – change everything.
First to go – the name. Let’s face it, we are named after a dead guy that was fired, and then started up a rival organization with our team colors. Change to an aggressive name, mean, nasty. Don’t worry about geographical correctness – so the Sharks, Rattlers, and Kimodo Dragons are in the running. Don’t forget about the Assassins or the Vampires – or my personal favorite – the Cleveland Crushers.
Next, get rid of the Brown and Orange. The dead guy stole them anyway. Let a marketing guy from Ford choose the colors. Something like metallic charcoal and palisades gold would do.
Then the most important part – add cheerleaders. Real cheerleaders. Cheerleaders that scream "block the kick" when you have the ball. With boobs. Big ones. Fake or real - not important. Emblazon those cheerleaders in our new colors. Bring in a flamer designer that makes fans from around the NFL marvel at how so little material could stop that voluptuous flow of flesh. Give all the cheerleaders nipples that protrude at the hint of a chilly lake breeze.
Then get a dome stadium with artificial turf. With a retractable dome that is designed to ensure that every chilly lake breeze is directed toward our cheerleader laden sideline. Have a team that drafts for speed and ability and they never talk about needing to run the ball in the mud. Draft that rifle armed QB that everyone drools over, half robotron, 40% Peyton Manning, and 10% Carl Lewis.
Then get a coach. A smart one. A daring one. One that the experts and media alike say that he can beat you with his players and then take your players and beats you again. One that motivates the players, and is liked by the players, but would cut them mercilessly if they made mental mistakes. One that gives us an offense that takes advantage of our laser armed QB and selfless but talented WRs.
These simple steps and the Super Bowl could be ours in 2010!