Week 16 NFL Picks: Santa is Ready to Hand Out Some Presents

Kirby Lee-US PRESSWIRE

I hit ten wins again last week, improving my record to 130-93 on the season. My goal heading into Week 16 is quite simple: I want to go 16-0. Is it possible? I'm in a cheery mood due to the holiday season being just around the corner, so sure, why not? The theme for this week's picks are to talk about what one or both of the teams need from Santa in order to improve their team.

Week 16 Games Explanation Pick
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Any More Receivers to Hand Out? Santa needs to bring the Lions some more help at the receiver position. They obviously have the league's best receiver in Calvin Johnson, but after that, it's pitiful. Whether it be due to injuries or being an asshole, Nate Burleson, Titus Young, and Ryan Broyles are done for the year. It got so bad that Brian Robiskie was targeted three times for Detroit last week. Robiskie!!! The Falcons are coming off a dominant performance against the Giants and will win to clinch home field advantage. Falcons 34, Lions 20

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Not in the Giving Mood: The Vikings need other teams to be in the giving spirit for Christmas. Although they currently hold the No. 6 seed in the NFC, if they win their final two games, they aren't guaranteed a wildcard spot. It's the same type of situation Cleveland faced in 2007; that year, the Colts definitely weren't in a giving mood. To make matters worse for Minnesota, they face a solid Texans team that is looking to clinch home field advantage in the AFC. Christian Ponder isn't good enough to beat the Texans, but Adrian Peterson will close in on the record books. Texans 20, Vikings 17

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Do the Rams Have Their QB? How is this for a wicked one: should Santa bring the Rams a new quarterback? Better yet, how about this: what if the Rams had just taken Robert Griffin III when they had the chance? Sam Bradford is having the best year of his career, but three years into his career, everything I've seen from him is nothing more than average. With the Buccaneers demoralized from being eliminated from the playoffs, Jeff Fisher will have his team more motivated to do some damage. Rams 24, Buccaneers 17

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RG III is the Perfect Present: Santa has already brought Redskins fans their Christmas gift: the return of Robert Griffin III this week. Although Kirk Cousins has helped win two games in a row, with a playoff berth on the line, the Redskins need their go-to-guy in the same. Even if Griffin is a bit limited in his mobility, the Eagles' defense has so many mistakes during the game that they should still find big play after big play. Redskins 31, Eagles 13

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Still Alive and Still Kickin': I didn't realize this last week, but the Saints are still mathematically alive in the playoff race. Unfortunately, the Grinch has already visited the Saints this year and stripped them of most of their realistic hopes of making it; they'll need to win out and have three or four other teams lose out. It's not going to happen. That doesn't mean the Saints won't play solid, though. In fact, I think they beat Dallas, setting up an important Redskins vs. Cowboys game in Week 17. Saints 28, Cowboys 27

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Santa's Going to be Tired: Santa is going to have to make way too many trips if he wants to help Kansas City. They need a front office and coaching staff overhaul, and will probably have to clean house at quarterback, wide receiver, and other positions. The Colts technically haven't clinched, and it'd be a real shame if they somehow collapsed. They should handle KC if things pan out as they should, though. Colts 34, Chiefs 6

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In Their Sleep: I think I could rinse-and-repeat what I said above about the Chiefs for the Jaguars. To be more specific, though, let's say that the Jaguars need Tim Tebow for next season. Make it happen, jolly old fella! As the Jaguars muse in what-could-have-been (and now, what could be), the Patriots will run circles around them. Patriots 42, Jaguars 14

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Bust Out the Coal: Forget Christmas gifts; both of these teams, particularly Pittsburgh, deserve the lump of goal that will be coming their way. The Steelers look to be in a bit of disarray right now, but they'll pull out a win over the Bengals, just so the Browns can dash their playoff hopes come the final week of the season. Steelers 17, Bengals 14

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The New Mathematical Team: Remember how I was posing those crazy hypothetical scenarios about the Browns making the playoffs? Well, in actuality, Santa's elves might be hard-at-work orchestrating a playoff spot for the Dolphins. They just picked up Dimitri Patterson this week, which will help their secondary. Here is the scenario: if the Bengals lose to Pittsburgh and Baltimore, Cleveland beats Pittsburgh, the Dolphins finish 2-0, and the Jets don't win both of their games, Miami makes it. They'll keep their hopes alive with a win this week. Dolphins 23, Bills 17

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Too Little, Too Late: What has gotten into the Carolina Panthers? Whatever it is, it's too little, too late; Santa needed to bring the presents a lot sooner. Cam Newton is providing some more optimism for Panthers fans in 2013, and he'll do it again against a Raiders team that should never be able to shut out a team (yet they did to the Chiefs a week ago). Panthers 24, Raiders 16

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Passing Out Presents: I don't know what to call that laughingstock of a Monday Night game last week, but Tennessee picked up a win. This week, though, it'll be a different story. Aaron Rodgers has a lot of presents he wants to dole out after giving three to James Jones a week ago. It's Greg Jennings' turn in what might be his final season with the team. The Packers will roll at home. Packers 28, Titans 17

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TGFFS (Thank God For Flex Scheduling): Santa already did everyone a favor by flexing this game out of prime time. The Chargers are a mess, and the Jets are a mess. Honestly, which team is in better shape right now? I'll go with the Jets because I like their defense, and maybe we'll see less turnovers from a guy not named Mark Sanchez. Jets 21, Chargers 20

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Collapse = Not Completely: The Bears have not been in the holiday spirit lately. They've stopped winning football games, and they've gone from being a complete team to a team that looks to be in shambles. Although the Cardinals ended their long losing streak last week, their quarterback situation still leaves a lot to be desired. If Chicago can't win this week, they can kiss their postseason chances goodbye. Bears 24, Cardinals 3

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Only the Giants Can Rebound: The Giants and the Ravens seem to be headed in the same direction. Both teams started the season on fire but are in serious decline. If the Ravens hadn't built such a miraculous early-season win streak, they wouldn't even be in the playoff picture. The Giants roll near Christmas, though -- this is "been there, done that" for them. Giants 28, Ravens 14

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Merry Christmas: This is a great Christmas gift to fans -- Sunday Night Football in a great environment (Seattle) against two teams that are playing at their peak. The great thing is that Seattle could stunningly make a run at the division still. They have been perfect at home, and they've scored 50+ points in their past two games. How can I not roll with them even against a team that is perhaps the best in the NFC anywhere else? Seahawks 28, 49ers 24

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Cleveland's Secondary, Beware: Can the Browns rebound from their worst loss of the season against Washington? Even if they are at the top of their game, it might not be enough against a Broncos team that has been playing like the best team in football. My full prediction for this game will go live on Saturday, so stay tuned!

TBD



Survivor Pick:
I am 11-4 in survivor, riding an eight-game winning streak after the Dolphins beat the Jaguars last week. The teams I've used are GB, HOU, PIT, NO, DEN, NYJ, SEA, and MIA. This week, I'll go with the Bears over the Cardinals.

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