Summary: Colin Kaepernick and Tucks Gong Shows hand Simms’ Unsullied his second loss of the year.
Game High Points: Colin Kaepernick 27.96 (Tucks Gong Shows)
Surprise of the Game: Jimmy Graham scored 15.7 points despite being a game time decision with an injury.
Most Disappointing Performance: Reuben Randle failed to score any points for Simms’ Unsullied.
Notables: There were a few points left on the bench in this game in Lamar Miller (11.2 pts, Simms’ Unsullied) and Jordan Reed (9.0 pts, Tucks Gong Shows), but they could not have influenced the outcome.
2 Stig-o-sauruseseses (Stigosaurus) 74.36 vs 11 Kosar for President (Weeden2Gordon) 46.14
Summary: Stig-o-sauruseseses gets the win over the short-handed Kosar for President.
Game High Points: Reggie Bush 16.2 (Stig-o-sauruseseses)
Surprise of the Game: Stevie Johnson scored 13.2 points for Stig-o-sauruseseses, nearly doubling his projection.
Most Disappointing Performance: Marques Colston and Tony Gonzalez combined for only 4.4 points for Stig-o-sauruseseses. Kosar for President had two players on bye weeks and an empty slot in his starting lineup.
Notables: There were very few points on the bench in this game. Kosar for President could have nearly filled his starting lineup, but the minimal points scored means it would not have changed the outcome.
3 Badass Honey Badgers (Aussie Brown) 82.24 vs 7 Brownie the Elf (emily522) 88.14
Summary: Andre Ellington carried Brownie the Elf to victory over Badass Honey Badgers.
Game High Points: Andre Ellington 22.2 (Brownie the Elf)
Surprise of the Game: Ari Def scored 16.0 points for Brownie the Elf while Badass Honey Badgers got a combined 32.0 points from Dan Bailey and NE Def.
Most Disappointing Performance: Marshawn Lynch only scored 2.7 points for Badass Honey Badgers.
Notables: There were no points at all left on the bench in this game. Of the 10 possible bench players, 9 were on their bye week and the tenth was injured.
4 Optimist Prime (The Licensed Optimist) 112.08 vs 6 Weeden Cough Syrup (SpecialBrownie) 127.12
Summary: Weeden Cough Syrup won his fourth straight game to move into 6th place, this time defeating Optimist Prime.
Game High Points: Calvin Johnson 36.9 (Weeden Cough Syrup)
Surprise of the Game: Calvin Johnson’s performance clearly qualifies. I’ll also mention Mason Crosby’s 15.0 points for Optimist Prime.
Most Disappointing Performance: Jeff Cumberland had only 0.9 points for Optimist Prime.
Notables: Matt Stafford scored 28.72 points for Weeden Cough Syrup, but he still would have been better off starting Andy Dalton (32.0 pts). Emmanuel Sanders’ 16.8 points from the bench didn’t help Optimist Prime, but they wouldn’t have been enough to affect the outcome anyway.
5 TWB Gets Laid (Ted Washington’s Belly) 104.94 vs 10 Now I’m Done (StuckInPa) 96.46
Summary: A big game from Cin Def lifted TWB Gets Laid over Jordy Nelson and Now I’m Done.
Game High Points: Peyton Manning 24.86 (Now I’m Done)
Surprise of the Game: Cin Def’s 24.0 points for TWB Gets Laid and Jordy Nelson’s 24.3 for Now I’m Done.
Notables: TWB Gets Laid had no meaningful points on the bench, while Now I’m Done could have flipped the outcome had he started Cecil Shorts III (7.4 pts) and Den Def (20.0 pts) over Pierre Garcon (4.6 pts) and Cle Def (6.0 pts), respectively.
8 Inconcievable (Gabe Durrant) 109.54 vs 12 130lbs of Kosar (Brownie’s Year) 59.68
Summary: Cam Newton and Darren McFadden carried Inconcievable over 130lbs of Kosar in the biggest blowout of the week.
Game High Points: Cam Newton 27.84 (Inconcievable)
Surprise of the Game: Darren McFadden had his best game of the year with 19.8 points for Inconcievable while Josh Gordon scored 19.2 points for 130lbs of Kosar.
Most Disappointing Performance: Dwayne Bowe only scored 0.7 points for Inconcievable. Robert Griffin III scored 5.98 points for 130lbs of Kosar.
Notables: Alex Smith scored 21.0 points from the bench for 130lbs of Kosar while Joique Bell’s 11.4 points did little good from Inconcievable’s bench.
1 6-2 Simms’ Unsullied
2 5-3 Stig-o-sauruseseses
3 5-3 Badass Honey Badgers
4 4-4 Optimist Prime
5 4-4 TWB Gets Laid
6 4-4 Weeden Cough Syrup
7 4-4 Brownie the Elf
8 4-4 Inconcievable
9 3-5 Tucks Gong Shows
10 3-5 Now I’m Done
11 3-5 Kosar for President
12 3-5 130lbs of Kosar
Week 9 Matchups (Rank, Team, Yahoo projection*)
1 Simms’ Unsullied (71.55) vs 7 Brownie the Elf (30.74)
2 Stig-o-sauruseseses (77.36) vs 5 TWB Gets Laid (110.71)
3 Badass Honey Badgers (103.31) vs 4 Optimist Prime (82.12)
6 Weeden Cough Syrup (35.48) vs 10 Now I’m Done (71.27)
8 Inconcievable (90.18) vs 11 Kosar for President (82.75)
9 Tucks Gong Shows (32.05) vs 12 130lbs of Kosar (81.86)
*Projected points as of the writing of this page.