Week 5 UDBNFL Review

2 Simms’ Unsullied (Jon Stinchcomb) 91.96 vs 5 130lbs of Kosar (Brownie’s Year) 113.38

Summary: 130lbs of Kosar defeats Simms’ Unsullied, knocking him from first place.

Game High Points: Fred Jackson 21.3 (Simms’ Unsullied)

Surprise of the Game: Both teams saw their kicker and defense total 32.0 points: Steven Hauschka (17.0 pts) and StL Def (15.0 pts) for 130lbs of Kosar and Garrett Hartley (16.0 pts) and KC Def (16.0 pts) for Simms’ Unsullied.

Most Disappointing Performance: Lamar Miller scored only 1.5 points for Simms’ Unsullied.

Notables: Eddie Lacy’s 9.7 points on Simms’ Unsullied’s bench could have helped, but would have not been enough to affect the outcome.


1 Optimist Prime (The Licensed Optimist) 110.32 vs 8 Stig-o-sauruseseses (Stigosaurus) 107.70

Summary: Stig-o-sauruseseses’ comeback attempt falls short as Optimist Prime wins to move into first place.

Game High Points: Russell Wilson 23.6 (Stig-o-sauruseseses)

Surprise of the Game: Matt Prater scored 18.0 points for Stig-o-sauruseseses. Pierre Thomas blew up for 21.1 points for Optimist Prime.

Most Disappointing Performance: Demaryius Thomas only scored 5.7 points for Optimist Prime.

Notables: Stig-o-sauruseseses left Kendall Wright’s 7.4 points on the bench, which could have swung the game in his favor. However, Willis McGahee (13.2 pts) and Donald Brown (10.0 pts) on Optimist Prime’s bench would have swung it right back.


3 Badass Honey Badgers (Aussie Brown) 110.66 vs 9 Kosar for President (Weeden2Gordon) 83.88

Summary: Hakeem Nicks and Mike Wallace help Badass Honey Badgers get the win over Julius Thomas and Kosar for President.

Game High Points: Julius Thomas 24.2 (Kosar for President)

Surprise of the Game: I hate to get redundant, but Julius Thomas’ 24.2 points definitely qualify as the surprise of this game.

Most Disappointing Performance: Ryan Mathews scored less than 1 point for Kosar for President, totaling only 0.8 points.

Notables: Badass Honey Badgers had only one player fail to reach double digits in his starting lineup. He also left some points on the bench, particularly Alshon Jeffery’s 27.8 points. Kosar for President also left some points on the bench, with Denarius Moore’s 14.4 being the most notable.


4 Brownie the Elf (emily522) 113.96 vs 7 Now I’m Done (StuckInPa) 85.36

Summary: Brownie the Elf achieves the biggest blowout of the week as she takes down Now I’m Done.

Game High Points: Peyton Manning 36.76 (Now I’m Done)

Surprise of the Game: Ari Def scored 24.0 points for Brownie the Elf.

Most Disappointing Performance: Now I’m Done forgot to switch out his kicker and started Blair Walsh during his bye week. As for actual players, Jordan Cameron’s 3.6 points were fewer than we’ve come to expect as Browns fans.

Notables: Brownie the Elf had three players go over 20 points, including one on her bench (T.Y. Hilton, 26.0 pts). Now I’m Done had Dan Carpenter on his bench with 8.0 points, nowhere near enough to change the outcome of the game.


6 Inconcievable (Gabe Durrant) 63.72 vs 12 Weeden Cough Syrup (SpecialBrownie) 87.28

Summary: Weeden Cough Syrup gets his first win of the season over Inconcievable.

Game High Points: Dez Bryant 24.1 (Inconcievable)

Surprise of the Game: San Francisco did well for Weeden Cough Syrup as Vernon Davis scored 14.8 points and SF Def added 22.0 more.

Most Disappointing Performance: Cam Newton scored only 9.82 points for Inconcievable.

Notables: Calvin Johnson was active for Weeden Cough Syrup, but not for the Lions. Inconcievable left Jay Cutler on the bench, where he scored 23.02 points.


10 Tucks Gong Shows (TuckJob) 104.02 vs 11 TWB Gets Laid (Ted Washington’s Belly) 103.34

Summary: TWB Gets Laid drops another close game, marking his second loss by less than one point this season.

Game High Points: Tony Romo 41.94 (TWB Gets Laid)

Surprise of the Game: Other than Tony Romo, Knowshon Moreno (Tucks Gong Shows, 21.0 pts) deserves mention.

Most Disappointing Performance: Larry Fitzgerald scored only 4.3 points for TWB Gets Laid while Tucks Gong Shows only got 2.1 and 1.6 points from Anquan Boldin and Kenbrell Thompkins, respectively.

Notables: Both teams left points on the bench: Cin Def (15.0 pts) for TWB Gets Laid and James Jones (18.7 pts) and Justin Blackmon (19.6 pts) for Tucks Gong Shows.



1 4-1 Optimist Prime

2 4-1 Simms’ Unsullied

3 3-2 Badass Honey Badgers

4 3-2 Brownie the Elf

5 3-2 130lbs of Kosar

6 3-2 Inconcievable

7 2-3 Now I’m Done

8 2-3 Stig-o-sauruseseses

9 2-3 Kosar for President

10 2-3 Tucks Gong Shows

11 1-4 TWB Gets Laid

12 1-4 Weeden Cough Syrup


Week 6 Matchups (Rank, Team, Yahoo projection*)

2 Simms’ Unsullied (77.97) vs 9 Kosar for President (94.52)

1 Optimist Prime (85.38) vs 7 Now I’m Done (94.26)

3 Badass Honey Badgers (97.26) vs 6 Inconcievable (89.66)

4 Brownie the Elf (85.77) vs 11 TWB Gets Laid (104.84)

5 130lbs of Kosar (89.30) vs 8 Stig-o-sauruseseses (81.10)

10 Tucks Gong Shows (100.39) vs 12 Weeden Cough Syrup (79.03)

*Projected points as of the writing of this page.

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