Grease up, Browns fans, it's gonna be a long, hard season.
Sure, they're all long, hard seasons, but because every situation is different, it always takes a minute to get used to.
We made it through pre-season with our typical Cleveland flair, losing a millions-of-dollars-in-contract center, his replacement retires two days later, his third back-up suspended for drug violations. We trade Lee Suggs, take him back for failing a physical, and trade him again (that had to be a couple awkward weeks). That's not even the half of it, but that's enough.
So we finally get to the regular season and I'm more worried about my fantasy team than I am the Browns. This is New Orleans for gods-sake, everybody beats New Orleans. We may not win another damn game all year but surely we can beat New Orleans.
Well, NO, you can't beat New Orleans!! And by declaration of the football-gods, if you can't beat New Orleans, you can't really beat anybody, now can you? Just when you think you're about to get cut a little slack....
The game is lost. Joe Jurevicius is out with broken ribs. Charlie Frye had more rushing yards than Reuben Droughns. Reggie Bush walked all over my pass-rush. My O-line needs their fingers duct-taped together so they work like flippers.
Don't let this get back to Boss Crennel, but the coaching staff has upset me most. Why are we trying to do it the hard way? We elect to throw the ball on third-and-shorts instead of just punching it in, trying to do it with a team that's not in-sync enough to play "dress-up" with a f***ing playbook! And if it doesn't work the first time, why the bloody hell do you call it AGAIN? I'm a girl, for gods-sake, I'm not supposed to call a better play than the men the Browns PAY to do that! They're supposed to know better!
To beat the band, my fantasy team starters scored 38 points. I started Carson Palmer, Reuben Droughns (my mistake), Jason Witten, Terry Glenn, Marvin Harrison and the Colts D. (not bad, eh?) My reserves are Brad Johnson, Drew Bennett, Brian Westbrook (my mistake), Peerless Price, Kellen Winslow and the Bengals D. They scored 80 points. I feel like I was my own Browns' game; I just wasn't "there".
I also have to face the punishment with the G.M. at my job since I told him Friday that Green Bay was gonna wipe Lambeau clean with the behinds of his precious Bears. I kept calling his quarterback "Losman", not "Grossman" and he'd correct me, so I started doing it on purpose. Now I owe him two bacon cheeseburgers and my pride.
So it's more than just the Browns game, my whole football-life stinks. And any given Sunday, I swear I will eventually stop banging my forehead into the TV screen.....