With the 12th pick in the 2019 DBN Community NFL Mock Draft, the Green Bay Packers select...
Rashan Gary, DE, Michigan
The selection and write-up were made by unoservix:
I’m so excited to let you know that the Packers have used the twelfth pick of the 2019 NFL Draft to select Rashan Gary, defensive end from Michigan! I like him already! Yes, partly because he’s not eating all my bone marrow like Aaron does, but not just because of that! There are other reasons too!
As you know, diary, in addition to the crumbling husk of Mike McCarthy finally succumbing to inevitability and the constant seething throbbing hatred of Aaron Rodgers, one of the other big changes for Packistan last year was the addition of Mike Pettine as defensive coordinator. I was drawn to him as a kindred spirit, since like me, he too had been deprived of his soul and his ability to see colors, taste tastes, or feel love after his employment by the Cleveland Browns, before they became good or something. But one major problem for our defense last year was lack of turnovers. And one way to make turnovers more likely is to put the quarterback under more pressure, since quarterbacks, as I can confirm, are more prone to make mistakes when large angry men are coming to hurt them and eat all their bone marrow.
And that’s where my new friend Rashan comes in! Rashan is apparently pretty good at rushing the passer! When they were watching the tape I heard that Mike Pettine’s lower lip began to quiver and something about kitties, I think, began to tremulously wobble forth from some deep and battered place in his heart. It was later explained to me that before the Browns stole his ability to feel love, he would look for some explosive, ruinous pass rusher who would attack the offensive line with all the crazed bloodlust and homicidal abandon of Aaron responding to a critical article from Bleacher Report. I’m told that Rashan’s explosive athleticism and motor are two of his defining characteristics, and that his weaknesses are primarily matters of technique that can be corrected by coaching and/or being subjected to Aaron’s “enhanced coaching techniques” at an undisclosed black site in Uzbekistan surrounded by Chechen mercenaries. Such development would go a long way towards giving us the depth and dominant pass rush we lacked last year, when all our starters on the defensive line were lost with season-ending injuries (or at least, that’s what the public was told—the screams still haunt me, diary). Plus, if the offense is going to be a work in progress as Coach LaFleur futilely tries to get Aaron to play along with whatever his plans are, it will only help us to build a better defense that can paper over the backbiting and recriminations and assassination attempts.
One criticism of Rashan, apparently, is that his motor is inconsistent; sometimes he’ll go nuts on a play like Aaron reacting to one of Coach McCarthy’s playcalls, and other times he’ll just kinda zone out and not really try very hard, like Aaron reacting to the rest of Coach McCarthy’s playcalls. I am quite confident, however, that once exposed to the slightly delusional expectations of Packers fans and the hot crimson rage that Aaron Rodgers exudes towards his own teammates, Rashan will either overclock his motor or completely flee from football altogether. Also, if things get really bad and Coach Pettine decides we need another deepest-of-the-deep safety from Michigan protecting our orbital approaches and Lagrange points, I hear he’s friends with my old teammate Jabrill Peppers and can probably borrow his books on Hohmann transfers or something.
Anyway, I am told the coaches believe that Rashan has the potential to be a great pass rusher, with athletic abilities that cannot be taught, and he could also bring pressure inside from time to time, and that the presence of Mike Daniels and Kenny Clark at his side on the d-line can potentially cover over some of his weaknesses during the course of his development. Let’s hope it works out that way! One thing is for sure, though: if he puts his head down, improves his technique, and stays healthy, we will treat him like he’s our family here in Green Bay.
And if he doesn’t, then Aaron will.
Pokorny: “Thanks for the explanation, DeShone! The Packers get to be on the cusp of teams trying to take advantage of the top group of pass rushers in this year’s class. The Packers have been a bit ‘off’ the past couple of years, so we’ll see if a defensive stud helps them reclaim the NFC North. It won’t be easy with the stiff competition from the Bears.”
The Miami Dolphins are up next, led by a2342432a.
2019 DBN Community Mock Draft Results
|1||Arizona Cardinals||Suppa Bob||QB Kyler Murray|
|2||San Francisco 49ers||Head Hunter Horning||EDGE Nick Bosa|
|3||New York Jets||Robo Dawg||EDGE Josh Allen|
|4||Oakland Raiders||mrwhitman||DT Quinnen Williams|
|5||Tampa Bay Buccaneers||xfl2001fan||DT Ed Oliver|
|6||New York Giants||Barry Shuck||LB Devin White|
|7||Jacksonville Jaguars||Your Friendly Neighborhood Esq.||OT Jonah Williams|
|8||Detroit Lions||Bo154033||DE Montez Sweat|
|9||Buffalo Bills||Browns95||WR D.K. Metcalf|
|10||Denver Broncos||poultman||QB Drew Lock|
|11||Cincinnati Bengals||Mudville||LB Devin Bush|
|12||Green Bay Packers||unoservix||DE Rashan Gary|
|13||Miami Dolphins||a2342432a||QB Dwayne Haskins|
|14||Atlanta Falcons||BrianB77||DT Christian Wilkins|
|15||Washington Redskins||troy145||CB Greedy Williams|
|16||Carolina Panthers||GrandAdmiralThrawn0905||EDGE Brian Burns|
|17||New York Giants||fjblessi||OT Jawaan Taylor|
|18||Minnesota Vikings||impulseCTRLissues||TE T.J. Hockenson|
|19||Tennessee Titans||UberTater||OG Cody Ford|
|20||Pittsburgh Steelers||Robo Dawg||QB Daniel Jones|
|21||Seattle Seahawks||Swagnasty||DT Jeffery Simmons|
|22||Baltimore Ravens||jdreyfuss||C Garrett Bradbury|
|23||Houston Texans||Adam Rice||OT Andre Dillard|
|24||Oakland Raiders||BigTownBrown||WR N'Keal Harry|
|25||Philadelphia Eagles||ButCanHeSetTheEdge?||CB Byron Murphy|
|26||Indianapolis Colts||Siberian Husky||WR A.J. Brown|
|27||Oakland Raiders||OhioCityBrownsBeliever||RB Josh Jacobs|
|28||Los Angeles Chargers||Crawford_T||DE Clelin Ferrell|
|29||Seattle Seahawks||pt_999||TE Noah Fant|
|30||Green Bay Packers||Legoman0721||OG Chris Lindstrom|
|31||Los Angeles Rams||Topanga Jeff||RB David Montgomery|
|32||New England Patriots||Midnite Moses||DT Dexter Lawrence|